October 27, 2020
If you’re the overwhelmed primary caregiver of a loved one with dementia, you’re not alone—even if feeling alone is part of the problem. It’s extremely common for a spouse or adult child to shoulder the burden of care while other family members remain distant, disinterested, or in denial.
So what can you do about it? There’s a range of answers. Ultimately, you’ll need to determine what will work for your specific situation, but here are a few tips to get started.
COMMUNICATE
Does your family know you’re feeling stressed out? Explain the situation. Tell them what kind of care your loved one requires. Detail exactly what you’re handling including things like meal preparation, medication management, appointments, grocery shopping, personal care, and anything else.
Remember that dementia brings up different reactions in everyone: your family may be reacting out of disbelief, grief, anger. If you think the discussion might get heated, consider a neutral third-party to help negotiate and talk through the situation.
However you handle it, there are multiple benefits to honest communication:
• Your family may be unaware of how much work you’re doing, how far the disease has progressed, or what it takes to care for someone with dementia.
• Armed with a concrete list of tasks, it’s easier to delegate. Can one family member cover errands? Can another tackle meal prep? Can someone else handle bill pay?
• As painful as it might be, it’s helpful to know definitively if your family is unwilling to help—that way you can find a solution that will.
BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF
It’s easier said than done, but self-care is vital. You can’t take care of someone else (especially someone with dementia) if you’re burned out yourself.
Self-care doesn’t have to mean bubble baths and yoga. It’s also about giving yourself grace. You’re in an extremely difficult position without much (if any) support. It’s completely normal to feel out of control, resentful, frustrated, tired, or any other feeling you’re experiencing. Be kind to yourself so you can be kind to the person you’re caring for.
FIND SUPPORT
If your family won’t step up, it’s time to look elsewhere.
First, determine what finances are available. If you need to spend your loved one’s money on care, don’t feel guilty—ultimately it’s what’s best for them.
Next, decide what tasks it would help to have covered, and hire a company or individual to do them. Think about finding support with:
• Meal delivery
• Meal preparation
• Grocery shopping
• Laundry
• Housecleaning
• Gardening
• Caregiving for a few hours a day so you can get a break
• Anything else you can think of that would help
CONSIDER OTHER OPTIONS
Depending on how far the disease has progressed, how willing your loved one is to leave their home, and how much money you can spend, you may want to consider residential care options like assisted living or memory care.
Tender Rose may be another possibility. Our services include lifestyle support in the early stages of dementia, companionship for mild cognitive impairment, personal care activities, live-in care, and support within a facility.
